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Jun 23, 2024
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## Five Card Episode 1: A Review by Someone Who Definitely Shouldn't Be Watching This

Okay, so this episode is about this dude, Mr. Nariyuki. He's like, that teacher everyone thinks is hot, even though he never stops making dumb jokes. It's like he thinks he's the main character in a sitcom, which, spoiler alert: he kind of is. Except this sitcom is rated R for REALLY REALLY REALLY inappropriate.

He's got a thing for his students (ew), specifically FOUR of them. And they all like him back (double ew). There's Lisa, the goody-two-shoes class rep who always brings him lunch, Naoki, the basketball jock who talks like a dude for some reason, Mimika, who basically lives in the library and daydreams about Mr. Nariyuki (Ick), and Fumiko, the tough girl who hangs out on the roof. They're like his own personal harem, except they don't know about each other yet.

So Mr. Nariyuki is all like, "I'm gonna make all four of them mine!" which is, again, super gross. But then things get all weird and twisty, like a pretzel made by a creepy clown. See, there's this other teacher, Onikuma, who's a total creep (like, even worse than Mr. Nariyuki, which is saying something) and he's got his own thing for the girls.

Speaking of messed up, Mr. Nariyuki's old college friend (and now assistant, because why not make things even more awkward?) Mayu shows up. She's got this whole "will they, won't they" thing going on with Mr. Nariyuki, except instead of witty banter, it's mostly Mayu talking about her extremely personal medical problems and trying to jump Mr. Nariyuki's bones. They even do the deed, and it's like watching your aunt and uncle make out - you just want to bleach your eyeballs afterwards.

Oh, and did I mention Fumiko gets drugged and assaulted in this episode? Because yeah, that happens too. It's dark, man.

The episode ends with Mr. Nariyuki realizing Onikuma is bad news (no duh) and seeing Naoki leaving a hotel. Looks like Mr. Nariyuki's "love quest" just got a whole lot more complicated, and a whole lot more disturbing.

Basically, this episode is like a car crash between a bad romance comedy and a really messed up after-school special. You can't look away, but you also kind of wish you never looked in the first place.